


Do You Realize

by StellarLibraryLady



Series: Star Trek Winter Holidays Series [31]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Developing Relationship, Drinking, M/M, Reality Checks, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:33:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26899000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarLibraryLady/pseuds/StellarLibraryLady
Summary: Spock is trying to get McCoy to leave a bar.  Will Spock be willing to bear his soul in order to do so?  Will McCoy be able to make the appropriate changes himself?
Relationships: Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Spock
Series: Star Trek Winter Holidays Series [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/670427
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	Do You Realize

"Do you realize that you have spent a considerable amount of time at this bar consuming intoxicating beverages?" Spock wanted to know as he tried to speak above the noise of other drinkers without drawing attention to himself.

"Apparently not long enough," McCoy muttered. "Because I can still hear you. You're like a pesky little bee, did you know that? A pesky little bee off to the side and buzzing softly in the background. Not causing much of a ruckus, because your buzzing isn't too loud. But still buzzing." He frowned as he thought it over. "And still there. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz," he muttered in exasperation.

Spock tried a different tactic. "Do you realize that we are dangerously close to being considered Absent Without Leave from our ship?" he asked nervously.

McCoy smirked. "Now, don't you think that Jim would look damnation funny with his First Officer and Chief Medical Officer both in the brig at the same time? His second and third in command both being reprimanded? I expect that would be some sort of unique record in Starfleet. But not one that anyone would want, especially James T. Fucking Kirk."

"Why are trying to be so aggravating?" Spock finally demanded.

"I didn't know I was simply trying," McCoy muttered back.

"Alright, why are you being so aggravating?"

McCoy turned and studied him for a long moment. "Because I wanted to see your dark eyes light up with something besides self-righteousness and complacency. I wanted to see if there was something more to you than a rule book, or if that's all you've got for a heart. Maybe I wanted to see, too, if there was anything remotely resembling a human being somewhere inside you." He scowled with distaste. "But I was wrong." He turned back to his drink with a sigh. "You're a prig, Spock. A prig! Did you know that? A prig! And you need to loosen up a little."

"I cannot be what I am not," Spock admitted with complete honesty.

Such honesty disarmed McCoy. "I know. And there's the sorrow. Oh, hell, just go back to the ship. I don't need a keeper. I just want to drink for a little while longer. I'll be along eventually. Don't worry. I'll be okay. I'll find my way home without you. I always have."

"But I do worry for your safety, Doctor."

"I know. And I'm an ass not to appreciate it."

Spock tried to look humble. But he was ill at ease with praise. He was more familiar with McCoy's belligerence, because he heard it so much more than kind words.

McCoy was not so drunk that he didn't realize this fact also and felt self-conscious about his brashness. "You're a good man, Spock," McCoy admitted. "And a good friend. And I don't deserve you."

McCoy's confession prompted one of Spock's own. "And you are one of my few friends. And I do not want to lose you."

"You're not about to. You keep too tight of a leash on me," McCoy muttered as he turned aside.

"Not as tight as I should. Or would like," Spock rashly declared.

McCoy frowned as he looked back. "What's with all of the honesty tonight? If you get me to thinking too hard, I'll sober up. And then I will have wasted the last few hours when I've been working so hard to forget my sorrows."

"What if I give you a reason not to drink?"

McCoy's frown deepened. "Are you gonna go and lay something heavy on me? I don't know if I want any reality check tonight. Don't go saying that you've got an incurable disease, or that you're transferring outa here, or that you're madly in love with me."

Spock pushed aside caution and logic. "What if I say that it is one of the three you mentioned?"

McCoy studied him. "What is this? A verbal bucket of ice water to the face? How can you say that it's one of those three things?"

"Because it is. Which one could you live with the easiest?"

McCoy turned aside again. "Oh, hell. None of them. Two of them would mean that you would be gone from my life, and the third one would eventually cause me to chase you from my life. Because I wouldn't be good for you. I poison everything I touch."

"What if I am more optimistic than that?" Spock prodded, daring even himself.

"Then I feel sorry for you. Don't you know that I love you too much to see you get hurt? Especially if I'm the one causing you that pain and hurt?"

It was as if golden light had flowed through Spock. "You see? You do admit to loving me."

"As a friend. As a dear and close friend. But there's a difference between loving and being in love, and I'm thinking that you've gotten the two confused."

The light went out in Spock. "Oh."

"See?! I'm hurting you already! And I won't have it! I won't have it, I say! I'll protect you from any bastard who was trying to hurt you! Even me!"

"What if we go back to the Enterprise now, and I will explain it all to you tomorrow."

"You really think I would be more receptive tomorrow?"

"I believe that it is the only way that I should approach you with the truth, instead of when you are under the influence of intoxicants."

"You mean when I'm not higher than a kite, don't you?"

"I mean when you cannot think clearly."

Damn if that statement didn't sober McCoy up more than he wanted, but he allowed Spock to lead him without letting him know any differently. Sometimes it was soothing just to be taken care of by somebody else, even if it was someone who didn't know a whole lot about what he was doing but tried his damnedest to help anyway.

The next day after their shifts and McCoy was quite over his hangover, he approached Spock.

"About what you were saying last night--"

Spock looked genuinely surprised, but quickly tried to cover it with indifference. "Oh? You remember that?"

"Yes, I remember that," he mocked. "I wasn't as drunk as you thought. Well, I was," McCoy had to admit as he thought it over. "But I've had long practice in handling myself in that situation. Now, as you were saying--"

Spock drew himself up stiffly. "This is neither the time nor the place to be discussing something like that."

"And a saloon with me half-drunk was?"

"You picked the situation, I did not."

"And yet that's what our life together is. Either the Bridge of the Enterprise or a saloon with me drinking in it."

"Or Sickbay with me injured or dying or both."

McCoy smirked. "Dramatic guys, ain't we?"

"As you said, that is what our life together is--"

McCoy grasped Spock's shoulder hard, and Spock blinked in surprise. McCoy rarely got physical. Their relationship was always more about the mind and intellect.

"Look, I know you're not dying or wanting a transfer. So that leaves something that's probably worse for you than the other two."

"I cannot help what I feel, Doctor."

"I know. And I am so sorry for that." He paused. "Because I'll hurt you," he finally whispered. "And I can take about anything else except that. But I know why a spineless louse I can be."

"What if I believed in you more than you do? What if I believe you can be better than you are?"

"But you've got to have better cards in your possession before playing a hand like that. What if somebody calls your bluff? You've got to have something to back yourself up."

"What if I am not the only one in the card game?"

"Eh?"

"You are also playing a handful of cards that needs your close regard."

"That's nice of you to remember that I've got a role in what's going on," McCoy remarked, clearly flattered by Spock's inclusion of him. "Most people think only of themselves and how a situation will benefit them."

"Then those people would be poor choices for a relationship."

McCoy gave him a look of appreciation. "You're not as naive as I thought."

"It is just human decency, Doctor."

"So it is, Commander, so it is," McCoy agreed warmly.

"Or what if I am a risk, also? I am only mortal. And as you like to point out, only human-- at least half of me is. I am not perfect. I am not what you Earthlings choose to call a sure thing. There is no guarantee that I might stumble and even fall. It should not be all about you and your test with life. I am here to be tested, also." He narrowed his eyes and squinted as if he defied McCoy to contradict him. "You cannot be selfish. Our relationship should not revolve about you and your problems. I should be given some consideration, too."

McCoy studied Spock and something shifted in his thinking about the Vulcan. "You're right. You're not here just be a sounding board for me. That's selfish of me to be thinking that way. You're here for growth yourself."

"Correct."

A pulse worked in Spock's jaw, but otherwise Spock seemed calm. But McCoy could see that pulse, that little hint that Spock was not as in control of himself as he would like to convey. And somehow that endeared Spock more to McCoy. It made the Vulcan seem more human and someone who might really need something, or someone, more than himself. It gave McCoy hope, hope that in time he might earn the right to be that special someone for Spock.

"Tell you what," McCoy said with twinkling eyes. "Let's talk it over. Rationally. Like two civilized adults would."

Spock's relief was evident on his face. "That would please me very much, Doctor."

It was almost heartbreaking to see how much that small concession from McCoy had delighted Spock. Spock was so worth the effort. McCoy decided to see if he could do more that Spock would like. "How about us going back down on the planet and grabbing a bite after our shift? We'll have us quite a party. Pull out all the stops. We can even call it our first date, if you'd like."

Spock looked hesitant.

"In a restaurant! Not a bar! I'll just have sparkling water if that will put you at ease."

Spock's gratitude shone on his face, and McCoy realized just how much needless worry and anxiety that he had put his friend through with his drinking. "I can change, Spock. Honest. Now that I have a reason. Well, quite a few of them really and they all seem to revolve around you. But that's okay. I'd really like the opportunity to talk them over with you, too."

Spock beamed his acceptance, and McCoy felt like that glow was a new sun rising just for him.

And indeed it was.

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing of Star Trek, its characters, and/or its storylines.


End file.
